GromBlog

I've been Farked!
After trying to start a small flame war on a Fark photoshop thread here, I found myself the victim of a photoshop retort - nice one Jokestress!

Warp 11
Sacremento's Premier (& hopefully only) Star Trek band. This is awful! - Check out the audio logs for lyrics & mp3 downloads of their songs. Sample lyrics;

I bet he did lines of coke with yeoman Rand
His toupee's always perfect and he's always tanned
If he can't find a woman he'll use his hand

Awful record sleeves
From this list of awful record sleeves courtesy of retroCrush, I've found the best idea for an album ever - Songs for Gay Dogs. I need to hear this before I die. (edit: to see the album sleeve you need to go to retrocrush & go to page 2 & it's the last image - retrocrush have stopped people linking to their images which is fair enough but a pain for small time people like me)

Yoda Lives
The World's Oldest Living Person has just turned 115 - she really does look like yoda. My granny is 94 & still doesn't look a day over 70!

Feedback Please
Ok, since the comments aren't used very much on here, I thought I might try something different to get people to give me feedback. I came across Tag-Board Message Board which looks very easy to implement & should be easier for people to use. Let em know what you'd rather have - comments on each post or just one small tagboard on the side of the screen like the one on the Homless Guy's Blog (which is well worth a visit anyway.) Tell me what you think.

Simpsons meets Pulp Fiction
This is superb - apparently some of the animators of the Simpsons had a bit of fun a few years ago and did some sketches of their characters in Pulp Fiction. They certainly look realistic (and quite rude so has to get a NSFW).

Extreme Ironing goes Corporate
The first world Championships of Extreme Ironing have now got corporate sponsorship from Rowenta! Good luck to the British team (of nutters)

Taliban Reunited
I remember always writing on his bed sheets
"Osama's Bed Linen".

Ass-Backwards
The new edition of the Oxford English Dictionary now contains such words as badass, phat and bogart - didn't the rest of the world stop using 'phat' about 4 years ago?

Album of the last decade
Just heard a few tracks from this album - must download the rest as soon as I get home - it's a work of sheer unadulterated genius. Either that of one of the biggest follies ever. Ladies & Gentleman, I present for your listening delectation, Pat Boone - In A Metal Mood.

Take a Trip pt.2
I guees you could call LSD tabs mini-works of art except that they're mass produced. Whatever, they're quite fascinating.

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
If you ever felt like cheating on your partner, think again. Maybe this story will help your pause for thought. If you don't want to read about it then just go here for the pictoral evidence of a woman spurned.

Take a Trip
For all you stoners out the - how bout this freaky image of bridge to weird you out (scroll down if you're too out of it to work out for yourselves.)

Once upon a time we invented a great game called...
...how many things can you balance on a drunk friend who's fallen asleep. Don't try this at home kids. (oh go on then!)

Addiction Warning!!
Here's another stupidly addictive online game called Alchemy - it's worth doing the tutorial so you understand what to do but you's best set aside 20 minutes at least.

A Sad story Another b3ta regular, Robin Johnson, made this very endearing animation - I hope he's got over her now.

Know Your Place! Shut Your Face!
Micah Wright is a believer in freedom. This seems to be make him a traitor in America. His response is a series of astounding spoofs of Public Service Announcements for the American government in the style of WWII war posters. Click on the slideshow for some edumacation.

The Identikit Project
Ever wondered how close the police would get in doing a photofit of yourself? Malevole from b3ta has put together this page of online identikits for you to try. Feel free to post a link to any you do in the comments.

A Tribute to Ray Harryhausen
This is absolutely brilliant - malevole is a b3ta.com regular and he's made a fantastic video in tribute to Roy Harryhausen (you know, the guy who made the Sinbad & Jason & the Argonauts films that you see on Sunday afternoons & at Christmas). Check it out here. (needs sound for full effect)

Council workers mistake Badger for road
It's an easy mistake to make - especially if you're a lazy-assed road painter.

Photoshop competition
Fantastic photoshop competition from Fark yesterday, the theme was failed board game ideas. Some brilliant entries (and some quite sick ones)

Archery Flash game
Another good little game (can anyone tell what my day's been like at work today?) This time it's an archery game.

Dare you enter the Matwix?
Looney tunes bring you a fantastic cool flash game of the Matwix. Check out their other cool games. This is what lunchbreaks are for!

Top 11 Signs You're Becoming a Geek
I'm think I'm well past the 'becoming a geek' phase - according to this, the transformation is almost complete.

Icy Hot Stuntaz!!
I know it's an old cliche for some of you out there but for those of you who haven't had the pleasure then allow me to introduce the Icy Hot Stuntaz!! Bling, Bling.

Closed for the day
This really amused me & some of the guys at work. Have a look at Doncaster.co.uk. Pretty much sums the place up!

Will no-one think of the Children?
Levi's new trousers will protect your testicles. Apparently.

Test Tube Rabbit Dicks?
Do you think they could grow me another few inches?

More Kevin 'bloody' Warwick
Sorry if I'm starting to sound obsessed by this guy really gets on my tits. So, to cheer myself up I went back to his own website and read his Message Board. Laugh, I almost cried. I don't think that I've ever seen so much unmoderated abuse on someone's personal site. It's hilarious! Now I don't feel like such a sad obsessive now that I know there are more people out there who have a stronger hatred of him.

Kevin 'Bloody' Warwick
Congratulations to the Sunday Herald for being the first newspaper I've seen yet to publish a refutation of Kevin 'Bloody' Warwick's ridiculous scheme to implant chips into children as a form of paedo-protection. Congratulations to the author Steven Naysmith - you sir, are a responsible journalist and deserve a pay-rise.

For all fans of Windburn
You probably all seen the classic photo of nudeskydivers. Well, here's a whole site dedicated to the chilly sport orSkydiving naked. (Obviously NSFW)

Old Jokes Home:

Two men are walking through a graveyard with their dogs .
One man turns to the other and says "Morning"
The other man replies "No, just walking the dog...

Nasa fakes moon landing!
Just how stupid did the NASA officials think the public were? Finally I can bring you photographic proof that the moon landings were faked.

For the love of Wetwang Thank you for pointing out the Richard Whiteley the tv celebrity is the mayor of the North Yorkshire village - Wetwang! He must be a contender for the next series of I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!

There must be a lot of not-very picky women out there. This guy has had 12 different children by 11 different women!

Cool little flash game of Speed Pool.

Just spat my lunch out on my monitor!
As part of my job I keep an eye on the servers that run sites like the one linked to here. Was just checking something & one of the women who work on the site rang me to tell me to check this out. Read the first two entries before the second short one. (caution might be considered NSFW due to the words used but no naughty images)

Do I really need to comment on this?

Anyone ever had a worse day than this?

When comics go bad and other ludicrous ideas.

Extreme Cheffery! Cooking with lava!

If anyone is seeing strange things with the scrollbar then can you leave me a note in the comments bit of this post please & let me know what browser and version you're using please. Thanks.

Oh buggër! Jesus Had Short Hair! Now they tell me - I feel so disrepectful - do you think they'll still let me into heaven? I particularly like the bit where he says, "The Bible plainly teaches that it is a 'shame' for a man to wear long hair" and then somehow makes the giant leap to homosëxuality. This must make me a really naughty sinner. Which is nice.

Sing-a-long-a-Saddam
Which leads me to a letter in this week's Daily Telegraph (not mine I stress!) which read;
"I willingly admit to not being a military strategist, but I get the feeling that we're losing the element of surprise in the brewing war against Iraq".
Genius!

Boy, is this ever addictive - test your reflexesagainst this game.

Hoping very much not to release the curse of the Mummy - a robot is about to enter the Great Pyramid of Giza.

A perusal of this weeks server logs show that somehow I was visited by an AOL user who did a search for "duct tape nude". Brilliant! I also had visits from people searching for "Walken cowbell" & "Dinky Bombs". If you've ended up on my site looking for something in particular then you might have to look in the archives for what you're after as the site is updated so regularly. I'll post more disturbing search requests another time.

"They were just two big things in the wrong place at the wrong time." Bet he never saw that whale coming.

Panda Pr0n! (cheers Sputnik)

Keeping with the not-very upbeat theme - when I die how about taking me to the crematorium in one of these?

Ok back to weird eBay auctions - do you think this is second-hand or comes ready-filled? (cheers Sarah for that - what were you looking for when you found it?)

The plane boss, the plane! One of my favourite people ever was the original Phillipino Midget, Herve Villechaize.

Coming to eBay in the near future - a 'used' necklace - might need cleaning!

In honour of Star Wars being shown on tv tonight, hers's a game for you to play while you're watching - Spot the Goofs.

Runner-up Dumbass of the week award ('cos no-one can beat Kevin Warwick for the overall title) goes to this numbnuts.

When are you due to die?
I'm dead on 12th Dec 2046 apparently so please make a note in your diaries to send me Xmas presents a month early in 2046. (Actually, I'd be astonished if I make it that far!)

BEST NEWS THIS YEAR!
The Register report that some genius has reported my pet hate Kevin 'Bloody' Warwick to the police to try to get him arrested for assault on children following his bandwagon-jumping claim of being able to 'chip' children to protect them from paedo's. I hope he finally manages to get thoroughly discredited this time. (rant over now - you can carry on as normal)

It's true - some people have no shame - a church in America has made a memorial to the September 11th terrorist attack. Wait for it, World Trade Centre Jenga! And I imagine that they think they're going to get into heaven with that!

I think I've found the next big fashion statement for people like me - by which I obviously mean a young, trendy urbanite - Not a geek!

Physical Education was never like this when I was at school. Who the hell ever thought cup-stacking could be a sport?

This has got to be my favourite 404 - Page Not Found message yet.

Very odd (& quite hard) game from Newgrounds - Alien Hominid (Cheers Carlos)

Something Awful's Photoshop Phriday is a mixed bag of goodies this week. If you're short of time or bandwidth then skip straight to the Lord of the Rings section - sheer genius!

Next time you do an auction on eBay - make sure you use your own pictures. Otherwise someone might change them!

OK this is Very NSFW - (nude pictures) but I did get a request for me to blog this (you know who you are) here's some very early/young Madonna nude photos.

This is so Un-PC that it's really funny - think of Chris Morris style of humour. Thinkofthechildren has useful advice for starting your own vigilant mob to get the 'peedo's'. Genius.

Who says boy bands are stupid? Mexican singer loses fingers while waving to fans.

Girls, stop moaning that there's always a queue for the ladies' at nightclubs, just use the men's urinals and this handy Woman’s Guide on How to Pee Standing.

Ever been denied your hotmail name of preference? Maybe it's because your choice is on the banned words list. (NSFW rude word warning) While you're at it, check out this site with a load of ways to mess around with MSN messenger. (caution with some of these - they might well result in you getting your ass severely kicked)

Snippets from this weeks PopBitch newsletter;
An anagram of Romeo Beckham... Coke Rehab, Mom?
Apparently Madonna's new theme tune for the next Bond film in very good indeed.
Want to see a scary photo of a very be-permed young Catherine Zeta Jones?
Sphincterine - the 'Ass-tringent' - you might need it more than you think!
If you liked that post then hop over to popbitch & subscribe.

Dumbass of the week award;
Better not take your Gameboy to Greece this summer. In an effort to pubically humiliate their entire nation, the Greek government has banned all computer games. Yup, even minesweeper, solitaire and chess are illegal now.

This is cool - various unusual x-rays. Includes X-rays of live chameleons, human heads and of course the obvious rectal foreign bodies. (Cheers to Sputnik for this one).

The BBC are about to start providing RSS feeds. This means I could put a small box on this site with the latest news from one of over 15 channels (world news, UK news, entertainment, Formula one etc) Anyone think it's worth me doing it? Let me know what you think please. Comments to the usual address.

Sad, sad, sad, - Virtual kingdom richer than Bulgaria.

Doctors crack case of man who 'dies' every time his alarm goes off. How'd he ever live until 63 anyway?

Dr Demento has been producing his radio show in America for about 30 odd years now. He's probably most responsible for making the public aware of such classics as "They're Coming to Take me Away", "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" & "Fish Heads". If you're looking for mp3 downloading inspiration then you can see almost every one of his playlists from 1972 to the present. You can even listen to some of his shows online.

Most people know of my fascination for pop bands touring rider - it's the contract about what they must have provided for them in their dressing rooms etc. Here's Lil' Bow Wow's.

Mmmrph, mmmrahhh, mmmnnggggg - if you're going to make a stand about something you care about, you might want to leave yourself able to tell people what it is you're protesting about!

Speaking of which - apparently, a pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (It's fact number 40 on this page).

Inventors create a condom which can be fitted in three seconds. In other news, sex will now only take 36 seconds, rather than a minute.

Looks like Napster is well and truly dead now.

Had loads of problems with the Blogger & with my net connection this week so apologies if there are double posts or no comments or a lack of updates - I've got loads of cool stuff to upload but it just won't let me :(
Hopefully it should all be business as usual today (fingers crossed).

Are they serious - this Harry Potter broom doesn't look like a toy to me - just read the comments on it. Might get one for me missus ;)

I'd forgotten how good this site is even though it's been around for a while. Think of a Sit-com character or a dictator and then let the site try to Guess The Character. Amazingly accurate - it got my last two of Pol Pot & Corporal Klinger from MASH.

Quite interesting this - a scan of an employee manual for a lap dancing club and also a snippet of one from a phone sex line.

Yet another stupid eBay auction, this time for a Stealth Fighter. The best thing is that there's no reserve on it so you could have got it for $1. Well, you could if the seller actually had one to sell that is!

~ VIRTUAL OM is a mad site made by Larry Carlson check out the virtual om screensavers & excellent links page while you're there.

Today seems to be a day for silly Ebay auctions - this one was for the purest Columbian Marching Powder that money can't buy.

The idiot returns. One of my pet hates is Kevin Warwick a cybernetics professor with a love of the limelight & always ready with a soundbite. Well, the latest bandwagon he's jumped on is the sad deaths of & Holly & Jessica. Of course, as usual the register is right on the story with their usual debunking just to make him look stupid.

Best Case mod ever - this guy has managed to fit a whole pc into a toy VW Beetle.

All I want for Christmas is my ownLand Speeder. (Cheers Al)

Now that ITV Digitla have gone bust - they're holding an online auction of their old kit - might be good for some cheap kit or a stuffed monkey?

Surreal Japaneseanimation .

Ever wanted to crochet your favourite album covers? s.e.w.k.i.t.s can help you. OR maybe a psychotherapist would be more use.

I was checking my server logs last night to see where I get my visitors from and I found some weird things; The most visitors I've had was just over 200 people in one day (which is actually very cool) but I also have started to get quite a few visitors from Japan who seem to be coming directly to the site without clicking on a link from another site - I'm really intrigued as to how they got here. Another weird thing is that I seem to be one of the top hits if you do a google search for "Wicked Weasel + UK" which is really odd as I only posted a link there once about 2 months ago so you can only find the link if you trawl through my archives (which reminds me I need to find a way of doing a search for the archives) - I guess that proves that sex is the main driver of the internet though. So, for all you sex-starved people out there I'll provide another link to Wicked Weasel Bikinis - the hilarious see-thru bikinis that are the size of a postage stamp (can't forget the NSFW warning though).

Kittens are cute, The White Stripes play good music. Got that? Good. Joel from rathergood.com has made a video combining the two, he calls it Punk Kittens - it rocks.

I get the impression that i-like-pie.com don't expect to get much traffic. (need headphones - not speakers if you're at work)

Exploding pink dog heads. How do the people who make this stuff expect us poor bloggers to decribe it to our audience?

Just seen a brilliant video clip of a VW beetle doing strange things - go have a look - it's fantastic.

Even The Register are getting angry about the software I mentioned below.

This is a truly evil piece of software. I honestly wish genuine harm to befall anyone who uses this & I hope that they manage to get successful prosecutions against anyone who implements it. How do they think they can get away with this. Very angry & tempted to start some eviltech-doings against them.

Oh Sweet Jesus! Why do you taunt us? They even have a tv advert!